This is brilliant!

Shadows of the Sun

Because I write a lot of serious posts, I thought I’d break with formality for a little while and lighten things up a bit with one of my own “Aggressive Devotions,” in a similar style to the ever-entertaining Myths Retold! series.

SO THIS ONE TIME ATUM CAME INTO BEING OUT OF NOWHERE FOR LIKE NO REASON. AND THERE WASN’T ANYTHING OTHER THAN ATUM. THIS BUMMED HIM IMMENSELY, AND HANGING OUT WITH THE PRIMAEVAL OCEAN WASN’T MUCH FUN AT ALL.

ATUM WAS FEELING LONELY AND BORED. THIS LONELINESS AND BOREDOM GAVE RISE TO THE FIRST-EVER BONER, AND ATUM WAS LIKE “WELL HEY THERE PENIS I DIDN’T KNOW I HAD” AND STARTED MAKING SWEET, SWEET LOVE TO HIMSELF. BECAUSE SELF-LOVE IS IMPORTANT, YO. PASSES THE TIME AND BUILDS CONFIDENCE.

INDEED, HIS HAND REALLY WAS HIS GIRLFRIEND, BECAUSE HIS HAND IS ASSOCIATED WITH THE SEXYTIME-GODDESSES HATHOR AND NEBET-HETEPET. I BET YOUR HAND CAN’T…

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